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Is this for real?

Anytime someone sees a Bionic Burger up close, they inevitably ask ONE of these eight questions:

1. What did you do to preserve these hamburgers for so long?

My answer: Nothing. These hamburgers are not food substances (the way we normally think of food), they are chemical concoctions that contain the look, taste, and smell of food but don't be fooled... there is nothing "food-like" about these substances at all.

2. I can't believe this hamburger is really 12 years old... you must be lying.

My answer: I don't want you to believe me... I would rather have you buy a couple hamburgers from your local McDonalds and follow our instructions on how to create a Bionic Burger for yourself (click here for the simple instructions).

3. Why does McDonalds put so many chemicals in their food? Are they an evil company?

My answer: Not evil, simply efficient. McDonalds has over 33,000 restaurants worldwide. The only way they can make their hamburgers and fries taste virtually the same at every restaurant is by taking the "uncertain variables" out of the food service equation: namely, they replace food (which has a tendency to taste different depending on the season, environmental conditions, and quality) with CHEMICALS, which ALWAYS look, smell, and taste the same.

4. How did this happen?

My answer: Gradually over time. 35 years ago, McDonalds served real hamburgers on real bread. Their milk shakes were made with real milk and sugar... but as their corporation grew (and the complexity of running so many restaurants increased), they had to rely on more efficient means to deliver their products.

A seven year old burger that sits on my desk
in North Hollywood.

5. So if their products consists mostly of chemicals... how can they still call it food?

My answer: It's not food. They are chemicals that create the illusion of food. Read Fast Food Nation for a more comprehensive analysis of what McDonalds calls "food" products.

6. But there are "some" vitamins and minerals in their hamburgers, doesn't that count for something?

My answer: If you add vitamins and minerals to snake venom, does THAT count for something? What about adding vitamins to soda pop? After a while, the idea just seems absurd.

7. Your Burger Museum seems kind of silly. I mean, what's the point?

My answer: Kids are the point. McDonalds spends over 200 million dollars per year marketing directly to children. Every child in the world needs to see the reality behind the facade. Burger Museums are (undeniably) disgusting... but they are also the most powerful eductational tool in existence.

8. Are these Bionic Burgers for sale?

My answer: No. Not for any price. Why buy what you can make for yourself (for around a buck a burger)?